My Pregnancy

Hello Again! So I promised some up dates and so lets start at the beginning shall we

In late May early June last year I did a cycle of just Clomid and really quick we realized that it alone would not be effective in getting me pregnant in a timely manner. The fact of being 31 yrs old the RE wanted to be more aggressive. I was all for it as I wanted a baby and my "failed" due date was fast approaching and I had a very heavy heart over this.

Once I got a cycle again in June we begin a Clomid/Ovidrel/IUI cycle. Basically I took meds everyday and when my folicales were ready I gave myself a shot and 2 days later was in the doctor office to try to "impregnant" me. That day was July 6th. I then had to wait 14 days before going back for bloodwork to confirm whether it worked or did not work.

  Well lets just say I was impatient and I was testing every day. The reason they want you to wait so long is the shot can cause false positives if it is still in your system. Well I just tested every day and I knew when the shot was out of my system.

On July 19th I got this

We are having a baby!!!

So now to wait for bloodwork. Which came back high and doubled correctly in the 48 hr period!!!

Now because of my past I did not want to tell anyone. We waited till I was 12-14 weeks to tell anyone. At this point my mom was very suspicious cause she knew we were doing fertility treatment. I tried blowing her off telling her that each cycle was a bust that the cysts were too large or my hormones were not right. Which was not far off, the RE nearly cancelled the cycle we conceived on because of that. I had a choice if I wanted to sit the cycle out and go on BC to try to shrink the cyst or do blood work and depending on my levels of estrogen either go ahead or if it was too high still sit it out and got on BC. So glad I chose bloodwork!

This was very hard not sharing with anyone. We ordered wedding albums that I had promised everyone for 2 years and the last page had an ultrasound picture with our due date. Our happy ever after if you will. 

We gave those to our parents in late Sept early October. Like I said we waited forever to tell family and longer for me to tell work. 

Frist trimester was spent with weekly appointments and ultrasounds since I was high risk. We love getting to see our little love grow. 

I was not really sick until Week 13-17 and zofran became my best friend. 

At 18 weeks we had our anatomy scan and found out we were having a GIRL!!!! We did a fun gender revel party that evening with church friends with a cake with strawberry filling. 

In November I felt like I finally "popped" I was no longer just fat looking but pregnant 

November 12 / 22weeks 4 days

December I grew some more

December 7 / 26 weeks

January came and because of some issues at work I was over worked and my doctor put me on restricted travel because I was thinning out which is great but not what they want to see at 30-32 weeks in a first time mom. 

In Feb we began showering this little angel with showers.

Feb 1 / 32 weeks and we were told she has head full of hair

The first shower was in Houston at my best friend house. I don't have those pictures handy. The next Shower was at my house here in NB given by my Mom, sister and Neighbor Brittany.

It was a great shower with not near enough pictures taken.

The next day I was hurting and thought this baby is going to come today!! 

March 4th / 35 weeks 4 days pregnant

Well little miss stayed put but it did not get much easier. At 37 weeks I started having issues with my blood pressure. I spent a Sunday afternoon in L&D after getting headaches and seeing spots ( after blaming work and old contacts for those side effects) and was told no more work that I needed to be on bedrest as we could control it with me laying down but even sitting up it shot up. 

At my 38 week appointment after doing a 24 hr collection we ruled out pre-eclampsia for the time being but my BP was no better so we decided to let Sarah cook another week and induce me at 39 weeks. I still had to go in for non stress test between and check for protein. But my instructions were to check into the hospital Monday March 19th at 8pm to begin the induction process. That hopefully some time Tuesday March 20th Sarah would be born!!! I will save that story for another day Next up I will share the nursery that was in the planning for 5 years.

Later all!

Its been along time, been along time...

Hello out there to whoever is still around and with me! So I know I left you last with a heavy post and then fell off the edge of the world. Sorry. But life got in the way. Since June of last year there have been some major changes. Lets start in July and work our way to today shall we? Grab a drink and stay awhile this is going to be a long one.

 July 4th - P and I celebrated or 2nd anniversary of wedded bliss. We maybe not all that bliss but we had a yummy dinner at the Melting Pot.

 July 6th- I had a medical procedure but more on that later.

 July 29th- Was my 31st birthday and P got me a new coach purse. He refuses to ask me what I want now living 5 miles from the Outlets after this.

 August - Worked alot and Submitted my paperwork and hours to take the state boards to become a licensed hearing instrument specialist.

 September - took state boards

 October - got told I passed the boards!! Worked like crazy

 November- had a quiet thanksgiving with just P and his parents

 December- worked way more than I cared to and had a great Xmas with my family

 January- Traveled and worked way more than I really wanted to

 Feb- Saw family and friends for parties in Houston and NB

 March- Oh not much other than..................................

I HAD A BABY!!!!!!! Sarah Bethany to be specific. She came March 20th at 4:13 am Weighting 7lbs 15 oz and 19 inches long.

She is perfect!!!

Yes that little medical procedure in July was fertility treatment called an IUI and it worked!!! Praise the lord!! I spent early weeks scared to share ( mainly because my mother reads this and was waiting for me to out myself) then the exhaustion kicked in and well I am a ball of excuses.

But I have several post I want to share here very soon to catch you all up on everything Sarah.

Talk to you soon!

Christmas Overload Party

Well I am late to the party as normal but I had to share all our Christmas decorations. all in all we have 5 trees, 3 wreaths, countless small vignettes scattered around and I think the yard of the neighborhood.

Welcome come on in!

I now even have 2 trees on either side of the door now but I forgot to get a picture.

Kitchen Tree

Bar and stockings

Guest bath Tree

Master Bedroom Tree that picture will not turn

Guest Room 1 Tree

Guest Room 2 Tree

June in a Nutshell

Well I disappeared again! But this disappearing was for working on the well being of me and my husband. June has been all about getting answers and working on healing.

Since my last post I began seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Before going to see a specialist was admitting defeat on our part. Or so it felt. When we would discuss how long would we try before getting help we never wanted to do it because we were impatient. I knew the risk of taking drugs for fertility and I was not ready for those risk.

However something I was not considering was that there was something wrong with me. Something that explained 98% of my problems with my whole body. For many years I have asked doctors about different problems and been told everything from it is nothing to there is nothing that can be done or that it was in my head. I hated doctors! It was all about insurance and claims and you are just a number on a paycheck.

When I made the appointment I was at a all time low. I just knew I needed some sort of answers and if the RE told me there was nothing wrong or it was in my head he could have seriously been hurt by my wrath that day.

P knew at this point for the most part how bad things had been for me so he told off work and came with me. The RE had my medical file and pretty much had a diagnose for me when we walked in. He asked how I was emotionally and said yes there is most likely something wrong with me. PCOS. Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Which I had self diagnosed when my cholesterol came back high and being diabetic and my GP told me just to lost weight and exercise and come back in 6 months.

After spending an hour in the RE office we had a for sure diagnose with 3 out of 3 diagnose options all coming back positive- irregular cycles, cyst in ovaries that looks like a pearl necklace, and blood work. I also had 18 out of 20 side effects that normally get misdiagnosed. Finally some answers!! I happen to be there early enough in a cycle to begin the full testing process. That day I had 15 vials of blood draw, an ultrasound (over 40 cyst between my two ovaries) began clomid for a resistance test with instructions to come back in 6 days for and HSG, 2 hour glucose test and another ultrasound and more blood work.

In the last month I have had some highs and lows. I lash out at my husband and co-workers more than I mean to. I am an emotional ball of hormones and am taking even more hormones to regulate out my body. I have also had to change the way I eat: no white bread, pasta, white rice, potatoes, or corn, little dairy or refined sugars. PCOS makes to much testosterone and basically causes an insulin resistance. When I eat "unhealthy for me" things it causes cyst and weight gain and mood swings from my blood sugars. I can eat low calories and low fat all I want but there are certain things my body can not handle.

Is all of this hard? YES! But if this means I am healthier and get to have a take home baby I will make the changes. It does not mean it will be easy or that I will not have my bad days. One thing I did not realize, the not having any answers to my infertility did, was cause alot of depression and self doubt in everything I do. The littlest things can set me off to have a bad day. I am learning to control it more but the hormones can come from outta left field some days.

So all in all we have a plan and are moving on with fertility treatments. I know many women have done it with success but there are still that many women that are still waiting for their take home baby. My doctors feel confident that with one treatment or the other I will be able to get pregnant.

Answers and some Truths

Well hello to anyone that is still here with me!


I know I have been a horrible blogger and thou there is not excuse I swear I have a good one.

We are going to have to go back a bit for you to understand. There is going to be some TMI and this is your disclosure on that. This also is going to be a very long post with no pictures, so thank you in advance if you make it to the end.

I started this blog as a way to document going from a newly married couple to the joys of owning a home and starting a family.

On October 28th, 2010 I found out I was pregnant.

As like most couples we had not discuss our plans of having children with anyone because they are that OUR plans. We did not want people asking how it was going giving "encouraging pep talks". This was something private in our lives we had been dealing with since our wedding. We knew we wanted to have children ASAP as we have both been married and not getting any younger. There was many things we had to get straighten out with insurance and relocating to Austin and New Braunfels but we took the "well we will just see what God gives us".

By July of 2010 (a year after being married and no bebe) I began charting and told P that I was wanting to see if we can make sure I am ovulating and all that good stuff. He was on board so then began the morning temperatures, ovulation predictor strips and reading up on things to help encourage pregnancy. August I charted all month and saw a clear ovulation and that there could be some issues because I Oed really late and have a short Lunar Phase. For those that do not know what a LP is, it is the time from Ovulation till your period begins again. "Normal" LP is 12-14 days, mine was 8 days. Why this is bad is that you do not implant a pregnancy till somewhere between 7-10DPO (days past ovulation). By this point my uterus was already shedding. I called my OB/GYN and they basically told me don't worry. With some research I found out that B6 has been proven to lengthen LP. So I began taking it.

September I charted everything went along smoothly and in October I got the ask on a pee stick most women want "Pregnant". I had a due date of July 4th, 2012 (yes had) I called and made an appt of Nov 18th which I would be just past 8 weeks and we would be able to see the heartbeat and know everything was fine. I told my closest friend and youngest sister. I knew I would need some support. My friend has been thru it all and my youngest sister does not know enough about fertility problems to say the wrong thing.

I knew for months that I wanted to surprise P with a willow tree figurine of a man holding a baby, because he refuses to hold babies till he has his own. I went to the florist and got one came home from work and wrapped it before he got home and waited.

After much prodding he finally opened it. I didn't get the response I expected cause he was in shock. He went into planner mode. I was a week out from my sister’s wedding that I had many duties and roles and we knew I was not going to be able to do everything that I normally would be able. We planned to tell my parents prior to the wedding just to give a heads up. But before telling my parents P wanted to tell his first because they have been waiting for 15 years to hear of them getting a grandchild. Thou I did not really want to tell anyone til 12 weeks it got out there fast. The next day P told his work because July is a busy time of year and he would need off for the birth. He told his parent that weekend, an old HS friend also pregnant at church, people at a Halloween party, etc.

I began to get over this fear I had had for years of telling too soon. I had a miss M/C years and years before and never been pregnant since. I was not like many of friend to have a accident from not being safe. Prior to getting pregnant this time I had told P my wishes to not tell cause I know there are high odds of MC early on. The more people that found out once my initial “why did you tell them freak out” was over the more ok I became with people knowing.

So the following week we loaded up and drove to Houston for my sister’s wedding. P, my mom and myself ran errands and in Sam's Club my mom saw many cute baby things and said she needed grandchildren to spoil cause the stuff was too cute not to buy. P and I exchanged knowing glances of that we were telling her and my dad that night.

We had dinner at a great seafood restaurant and I order a steak salad and my mother thought I was crazy for not getting fresh seafood like everyone else. Minutes later I gave them gifts that had oneies with cute gramma & grampa sayings and it was on! They were very excited and my dad does not get excited about much! My mother was ready to call everyone. I had a twinge to tell her no don't tell everyone but I let it go. By 9 am the next day everyone in my family knew. It was not my intent to over shadow my sister's wedding but that of I cannot lift the 50 lbs tubs of stuff and I was in the tired stage.

The next day was the wedding day and very hectic and I could tell I was over doing it. Help my sister swore would be there to set up showed up an hour late. They messed up the groom cake in transport and I had to fix it. I was the wedding planner, decorator, makeup artist, hair stylist and bridesmaid. It was a looooong day.

The day after the wedding we headed home cause P had tickets for the Nascar race in Fort Worth and would be leaving in the middle of the night to go. I spent Sunday getting the house cleaned up, grocery shopping and running errands. The whole day I felt off. I felt like something was wrong. I called my OB/GYN and was told don't worry it is normal for first time mothers to think everything is wrong. Just to get some rest.

Monday things got worst and I was still told just to rest. Tuesday was a little better.

Weds. there was no denying I need immediate medical assistance. My OB/GYN office was closed. I had to call another office to see me and the fit me in 30 mins later. At this point I just knew I had lost the baby. We got the office and they had me that a pregnancy test and it was still positive. The doctor saw me and said my cervix was still closed so everything was still inside me. A few mins. later we saw what was supposed to be the sac was not nice and egg like with something in the middle and blank space around it but a deflated sac for lack of better description. My body was trying to expel it. I had not miscarried yet but I would in the next 24-48 hours. There was nothing I can do to stop it or that I could have done to prevent it.

Going home to sit and face a death sentence is horrible. Normally I am the one to fix the situation when people are broken but I could not put my pieces back together. All I could think of was I have to go take our white bedding off the bed, put dark sheets on and just stay there till the end of time. But I spend Weds feeling sorry for myself and I worked Thursday without any pain thinking maybe the doc was wrong. Friday morning everything happened while I was by myself at 6:30 am. Blood work two hours later proved I was no longer pregnant. P was at work and I text him to which he replied "Oh well we can try again". I know he meant well but it did not sit well with me.

My mother had her own "encouraging " words of well at least you know you can get pregnant, It just was not meant to be this time, I know so and so and they M/C too. I know she meant well also but again not helping. My friends that knew did not understand it cause they have never dealt with it. They all took home their babies.

I told P and my mother that they had to untell every since person that was told. I was not going to have this open for discussion and give answers for things that I would never get answers to. What was supposed to be my 8 wk appt turned into a consult that left me with no answers of the way I was feeling and to wait 3 months.

So I told you I would give you some answers as to why I have not Blogged since Dec. Obviously that has been since the M/C. Well to be brutally honest I have had severe depression since. I threw myself into planning the perfect X-mas and entertaining everyone for the holidays and trying to BE NORMAL when I was feeling far from it. The more I pushed and acted normal the less I felt like me.

For those still with me you get a cookie. As well as a cliff hanger. I have made some changes but I still have a long way to go. I am still not pregnant. I have dealt with horrible physicians that gave me no answers and am still on the best place. But I am moving forward. I have admired may a bloggers that have shared their stories and be too afraid to tell me dark secrets of what I am dealing with. Next I will tell you what is going on with us now.