Well I disappeared again! But this disappearing was for working on the well being of me and my husband. June has been all about getting answers and working on healing.
Since my last post I began seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Before going to see a specialist was admitting defeat on our part. Or so it felt. When we would discuss how long would we try before getting help we never wanted to do it because we were impatient. I knew the risk of taking drugs for fertility and I was not ready for those risk.
However something I was not considering was that there was something wrong with me. Something that explained 98% of my problems with my whole body. For many years I have asked doctors about different problems and been told everything from it is nothing to there is nothing that can be done or that it was in my head. I hated doctors! It was all about insurance and claims and you are just a number on a paycheck.
When I made the appointment I was at a all time low. I just knew I needed some sort of answers and if the RE told me there was nothing wrong or it was in my head he could have seriously been hurt by my wrath that day.
P knew at this point for the most part how bad things had been for me so he told off work and came with me. The RE had my medical file and pretty much had a diagnose for me when we walked in. He asked how I was emotionally and said yes there is most likely something wrong with me. PCOS. Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Which I had self diagnosed when my cholesterol came back high and being diabetic and my GP told me just to lost weight and exercise and come back in 6 months.
After spending an hour in the RE office we had a for sure diagnose with 3 out of 3 diagnose options all coming back positive- irregular cycles, cyst in ovaries that looks like a pearl necklace, and blood work. I also had 18 out of 20 side effects that normally get misdiagnosed. Finally some answers!! I happen to be there early enough in a cycle to begin the full testing process. That day I had 15 vials of blood draw, an ultrasound (over 40 cyst between my two ovaries) began clomid for a resistance test with instructions to come back in 6 days for and HSG, 2 hour glucose test and another ultrasound and more blood work.
In the last month I have had some highs and lows. I lash out at my husband and co-workers more than I mean to. I am an emotional ball of hormones and am taking even more hormones to regulate out my body. I have also had to change the way I eat: no white bread, pasta, white rice, potatoes, or corn, little dairy or refined sugars. PCOS makes to much testosterone and basically causes an insulin resistance. When I eat "unhealthy for me" things it causes cyst and weight gain and mood swings from my blood sugars. I can eat low calories and low fat all I want but there are certain things my body can not handle.
Is all of this hard? YES! But if this means I am healthier and get to have a take home baby I will make the changes. It does not mean it will be easy or that I will not have my bad days. One thing I did not realize, the not having any answers to my infertility did, was cause alot of depression and self doubt in everything I do. The littlest things can set me off to have a bad day. I am learning to control it more but the hormones can come from outta left field some days.
So all in all we have a plan and are moving on with fertility treatments. I know many women have done it with success but there are still that many women that are still waiting for their take home baby. My doctors feel confident that with one treatment or the other I will be able to get pregnant.